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She’s constantly telling me that my hair colour is too black (which I love and all my friends like), but I only recently realized she thought that I’d be spending too much of his money at the hairdresser. If she ever says something of value, thank her and be gracious. Change nothing that you like about yourself, but show an open mind on small matters.

Never mind that I work and pay for my own expenses! We all make some wardrobe mistakes so if she actually finds one to criticize, laugh and say you’d realized that, too.

Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman.

Perhaps even thornier than pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays — not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups — is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. "A divorced woman may feel very vulnerable at this stage, in part because she used to have a spouse to 'protect' her and now she has to go out into the world on her own," says Diana Kirschner, Ph D, author of .

This negative self-appraisal starts as early as pre-puberty when young girls and boys start to compare themselves unfavourably to others.

They focus on their faces and bodies before they’ve naturally lost so-called “baby fat,” when their breasts haven’t yet developed, when boys’ voices are changing.

FEEDBACK Regarding the letter-writer faced with the ex-partner’s control issue (July 25): Reader – “I had a similar problem, made worse because my ex-partner was easily led and influenced.

“She allowed her former husband (whom she divorced for reasons of controlling and sociopathic behaviours) to get back into her life via long intimate phone calls.

People considered attractive by contemporary standards encounter more open doors and are often more self-assured than others.

Young people need caring parents and teachers to help them learn that who they are and how they present themselves are the most important aspect of their “looks.” As adults, it’s self-confidence that attracts people.

We show it if we enter a room looking to connect with others and listen to what they’re saying, far more than if we scrutinize ourselves in a mirror and try to look “perfect.” I hope you don’t ever again sign yourself as “ugly.” My fiancé’s mother thinks that no woman, including me, is good enough for him, and that it’s her job to “change” me - my hair, clothes choices, etc.

Instead, "it's usually clear when you're not ready," says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of . But once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don't want to chase it out again, you're at least ready to start, she says. The idea is that you should consciously decide how you want to proceed," which will in turn inform how you go about meeting people.

If it's truly awful, you can take a step back and wait some more. Gadoua, who runs dating workshops for women, asks them to free-associate words that come to mind when they think of "dating." Not surprisingly, words like "awful" and "dreadful" come up.

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The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen didn’t match our western beauty standards.

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