Elder oaks dating versus hanging out
Her primary worry was that I was asking her to stay home from her mission on such short notice.
I was not bashful in asking her to consider it as an eventual outcome, but I recognized as she did that it would take careful deliberation and additional experience, so I made it clear that I was not demanding her to make that decision at that time.
These are less of an issue when a couple has been dating non-exclusively for a while, and the prerequisite questions have been answered successfully and they are seriously considering marriage, but in that case, the shift to exclusive dating would make little difference at that point, as engagement is necessarily an exclusive relationship.
We have heard two primary reasons from people explaining why they want an exclusive relationship before engagement.
As for my first question, this was her answer: “Yes, I would like to spend as much time as I can getting to know you before you leave for your summer internship”.
That was our agreement at that time, and there was still a question mark as to what would happen after that time. Hales defined dating as “the opportunity for lengthy conversations”.
To confuse the matter further, people would ask us this question while we were on a date. In today’s world, the word “dating” has become synonymous with an exclusive romantic relationship.
We believe this is actually an inhibitor to forming good relationships and having dating progress towards the goal of marriage (is it any wonder that some young people dread to go on dates? We would like to suggest a better method of dating that avoids the inhibitions of early exclusive relationships while bringing all of the benefits of commitment, trust, conversation, and relationship building. At the end of their third date, the young man asked her, “Will you be my girlfriend? “Maybe I’m not ready for this yet,” she told herself. “This is what others are doing, and maybe it will lead to a happy marriage.” She didn’t want to hurt their relationship, so she said yes. For one thing, there is a lot of unknown baggage that comes along for the ride when you commit to being somebody else’s somebody. The only retreat is usually a very gory one, often with plenty of accusations of broken trust when a member chooses to hit the uninstall button. Asking honest questions can be a very good thing, but couples often feel less free to ask those questions once they have made an exclusive commitment, for fear that it would detract from the trust they have already implied.
Outside of LDS culture, when someone asks someone else out on a date, he or she is really asking if the other person will be his/her girl/boyfriend (See New Era April 2010 “Is Dating Dead“).
Unfortunately, LDS culture does not seem to be entirely free of this effect either.
Elder Oaks said in his devotional titled “Dating vs.
Hanging out“, “The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation.