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Snapshots tucked in binders on a bookcase in her bedroom. Though she never met her, Lara lives with the presence of this woman, Charlotte, who died by suicide in 2011.

And she’s been trying to, as she explains, “make room” for her ever since she fell in love with Dave, the husband that Charlotte left behind.

“You get to a point where you say, ‘I don’t want to hear anymore,’” she shares. In the community, made of women mostly in their 30s through 60s, they share stories with candor and ease.

It’s like they go out there and say, ‘Oh, you’re pretty. ’ They end up getting into relationships they aren’t ready for.” Lara met Dave online through a networking site.

Abel Keogh, author of Life with a Widower: Overcoming Unique Challenges and Creating a Fulfilling Relationship, along with other widowhood-focused guidebooks, explains that when a spouse dies, women are much more likely to allow themselves to fully dive into the depths of pain before putting the pieces of their lives back together—and even consider the idea of dating again.

Men, on the other hand, try to power through, or skip, this critical grieving process.

As a human, you want to show compassion and sensitivity, she explains.

But as a romantic partner, you don’t want to be making out on the couch while gazing at an urn filled with another woman’s ashes—an object that has been the source of many arguments in their relationship, and even a brief breakup. I don’t want to know what her favorite perfume was.’ I don’t want to live in the shadow of someone else.” Members of the group spoke with Upvoted on basis of anonymity.

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